Randomness

FIREWORKS in New York City on July 4th 2010(Video)

russpalmer — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 05:45:48 +0000

Taken from my phone, but not too shabby…

Tattoo Pet Peeves

russpalmer — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 14:33:45 +0000

I’d like to take this moment and share with you my tattoo pet peeves..mostly pertaining to women…

Absolutely NO: Chinese letters unless you’re Chinese. Butterflies. Stars. Fairies. And if you get your own name tattooed on you..it’s because you’re not important enough to remember.

Real Life > YouTube

russpalmer — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:29:00 +0000

Story time…….I was in Barcelona on my way to a football(soccer) game and my step brother and I got off of an extremely packed subway and walked up to the bottom of stairs and an escalator. The escalator was packed as I was walking toward it, and my step brother said, “Hey, let’s just take the stairs.” I decided to walk up the stairs with him and as we started to walk up the escalator began to slow down. The escalator then slowed down more and more until it stopped completely. It then went double the speed it was going before….backwards. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. People were jumping over the railings and a few were stuck at the bottom(no one was seriously injured). There is nothing close to this in YouTube…I’ve checked.

The End

Mommy Bloggers

russpalmer — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:54:29 +0000

So apparently, there is a demographic on the Internet filled with mothers who feel the need to blog about their lives, children, makeup, bags, breast feeding, medicine, diapers etc. on a daily basis. Some of these women are probably helpful to some people, but most of them are attention whores typing out the length of their right nipple after the baby has finished sucking upon it. In honor of the douche bag mommy bloggers out there, I have written a terrible joke. Enjoy, and leave your own jokes, or whatever the fuck you would like to say.

How many mommy bloggers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3. 1 To screw in the light bulb, 1 to blog about it, and another to watch her children.

8 Office Personalities Causing ‘Head to Desk Syndrome’

russpalmer — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:45:39 +0000

First things first. You’re clearly asking yourself what the hell is ‘Head to Desk Syndrome’? Well you’re not going to find it on WebMD, but it’s pretty self explanatory. It’s when someone at work annoys you so much that you want to slam your head….onto your desk. I recommend not actually doing so, but I’ll leave that decision to you. Here are some of those ‘wonderful’ office personalities that might cause you to catch a bout of ‘Head to Desk Syndrome’. They are not in any particular order.

The rest of my post is featured on Applicant.com right here. Check it out, and leave your comments back over here..or not.

Sex Sells….Burger King BJ

russpalmer — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:22:00 +0000

Hungry?

People and Things That Piss Me Off (and how to retaliate)

russpalmer — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:16:33 +0000

So I hear that writing down your thoughts is one of the best ways to release anger, and manage stress. In my opinion, it is also a way to give a big fuck you to all the people out there that piss me off, and another fuck you to the things that piss me off. Yes, I am saying fuck you to things. Inanimate objects are actually extremely emotional, and I expect an inanimate object uprising once this article is published.

1. People who don’t say ‘thank you’ when I hold the door open for them

You’re walking into work, groggy and half awake due to the lack of sleep you got last night. About 20 feet behind you, a man is catching up to you and you recognize this person as someone who works in the same building as you. You think to yourself, “Fuck them, I’m tired and I’m getting to my desk ASAP to stare at my computer monitor and sip on my mediocre coffee.” What you actually do is open the door, and hold it for him to catch up to you. Maybe you can even ride the elevator together!! Your fellow office-mate walks in without muttering a word to you. Here is when you walk onto the elevator with him and proceed to press every single button leading up to the floor you’re going to. Then, look him straight in the eyes and say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Be sure to do this until he says something or looks utterly confused. Then, punch him in the gut and tell him, “I held the fucking door open for you down there. I could have fucking walked right into the building and made you wait for the next elevator ride up, but I decided to dedicate an extra 10 seconds of my life to you. Next time, say thank you. Maybe even just give a nice nod and a smile. If you pull that shit one more time, I will personally see to it that you will NEED someone to hold the door open for you since you will have absolutely no use of your hands due to the amount of sharpened pencils I will jab into each one of them.” Congratulations! Lesson learned.

2. The Line Cutter

The line cutter is someone we all have to deal with at one time or another. Whether you’re waiting to order a Big Mac, or getting giddy because you’re about to sit down on the roller coaster you’ve been staring at for the past two hours, these people always seem to find you. Truth be told, the line cutter only adds an extra minute to your wait. Truth be exaggerated, the line cutter deserves cruel and unusual punishment. Remember ‘punch buggy no backsies’? Well I’m sure there will not be a Volkswagen Beetle in close proximity, but pay no attention to that. Punch the line cutter in the arm over and over while repeating the phrase, “Punch buggy no backsies.” 5-10 punches should be sufficient. Don’t punch the line cutter so hard that you will get knocked out for your actions, but just hard enough to completely aggravate the person. During the line cutter’s aggravation, proceed to step in front of them in line, and order your delicious greasy meal, step onto your roller coaster of choice, or enjoy whatever it is that you have been to patiently waiting in line for.

You might be asking yourself, “What does a punch buggy have to do with a line cutter?” The answer is, absolutely nothing. Enjoy!

3. The Facebook Poker

What one who pokes you on Facebook is really trying to say – I am too pussy to send you a message. I am too much of a wimp to write on your wall. I don’t have the balls to talk to you in real life. I masturbate to your pictures.

Retaliation – look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Ugly people masturbate to my pictures. Fuck Yea!”

4. Meaningless Bulk Emails Received from Work, School etc.

These emails usually only affect a couple of the hundreds of people they are sent to. You are not one of these people, yet you open the email just to read some BS that wasted a good 30 seconds of your day. A full half minute of your day wasted? Intolerable.

What to do – Forward the email to a non-work email address you have. Click reply to all. Within the message say something like “extremely important information about the prior email!” Then paste a link there. The link can be of your choosing. If you want to be unoriginal, you can go for the ever popular Rickroll. A better idea may be creating a site that explains how your company is laying people off. Nothing like a bunch of depressed and worried employees! If this is not a work email, then use your own creativity to scheme away.

5. Your Computer Freezes While Writing an ‘Important’ Document, email, etc.

You are a sentence away from completing that report your boss has been harassing you about for the last week. You breathe a sigh of relief as you realize that all your hard work will finally pay off. Fade to blue. You never set your preferences to auto-save your work, and you’re sure you didn’t save it yourself. Have no worries! Here is your chance at YouTube stardom! Have a camcorder handy and give it to your most trusted coworker. Tell him or her to record your every move for your upcoming work documentary. Now proceed to do something similar to this –

Inanimate objects are often the most fun things to damage (besides human self esteem). When your company threatens to sue you for damages, claim that ‘Office Space’ made you do it.

Well, that’s all for now. Enjoy! (I will not be held accountable for any actions taking relating to this post).

Collective Soul

russpalmer — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:38:19 +0000

So thanks to a good friend of mine, I finally started my blog. Just so happens that this first piece is going to be a random assortment of words on Collective Soul. If you don’t know their music then you don’t really deserve to be looking at my blog, but you can check them out here. Only kidding, of COURSE you deserve to look at my blog. I mean just look in the mirror, you’re PERFECT for my blog. In fact, you probably woke up this morning, rolled out of bed and said, “WOW, Russ’ blog and I just might become the best of friends. I know it’s weird being friends with a website and all, but I feel the need to pet my monitor every time I read one of his posts.”

Anyway…I was here to talk about Collective Soul, right? Right. So this band has been collecting souls since 1992.

They have collected approximately 3,530,252 souls and that number grows exponentially by the day. Kidding. Actually, they only collect between 1 and 2 souls per day. Kidding. They don’t actually collect souls and I just wanted to banter on about soul collecting for the last paragraph.

By the way, although some of the band members have changed…they still have a fetish for black and white photos.

Now seriously, I know you all remember their song ‘Shine.’ In case you don’t

While you’re rocking out to that awesome riff and screaming ‘YEAH’ in your best Ed Roland voice you can read the rest of this post. Surprisingly, only a handful of musicians have taken it upon themselves to enter the world of social media. Recently, Trent Reznor has been all ‘Twittered’ out, while giving out free music on his website and doing interviews with sites like Digg.com . The major difference between his strategy and Collective Soul’s, is the fact that Collective Soul follows all of their Twitter followers back. You follow them at @collective_soul and all of a sudden, they’re following you. You think to yourself, “Like, OH MY GOD, THE Collective Soul is like totally following me on twitter and like totally cares about the fact that I just tweeted my preferred flavor of toothpaste!!” Well, something similar to that. The truth is, they do care. Well maybe they don’t care about your preferred breath freshening flavor of the morning, but they DO care about their fan base, and are highly responsive to their replies etc.

Collective Soul has remained one of the only bands that has not gone down the shitter like most 90′s bands have done in the past decade. They haven’t sold out and tried to get on that favorite ‘RADIO STATION PLAYING THE BIGGEST HITS YOU KNOW AND LOVE!’ They play what they love and love what they play. If you like their music, you’re a fan and they respect you. If you don’t like their music, they still respect you, but aren’t willing to turn into that poppy crap I am way to used to hearing blasted at an average NYC night club just because you want them to.

All I’m saying is…shit the guitar solo for ‘Shine’ just started and I lost my train of thought. Yup, train off the track and won’t be repaired until further notice. Until then, check out their new tour here

-Russ
@russpalmer